Dana at the Monastery (Dana means Generosity in Sanskrit)

Now and then
I go outside.
Not wanting to be seen crying.
Eyes stung clean in northern wind,
I listen to the sound of the trees
As they move,
Rest
Move again.

Standing in sunlit cold,
Sharing a cigarette -
A girl talks about being lonely at night,
About her addictions,
About Abuse,
Loving those who do not love.
Caring for those who do not care.
A life of mistakes.
I recognize my face in hers.

For a long moment,
she looks in my eyes,
Then hugs me as she leaves,
Comes from nowhere.
Takes me by surprise.

Matthew
In an ill fitting suit
Pronounces my name clearly,
Clearer than anyone has all week.
He shakes my hand through a car window,
Tells me to "take care."
Means it.
Eyes smiling,
Mouth smiling.
Face shining in clear light.

Later -
Sitting Zazen
Huge black hole opens beneath me
Waits
Patiently...

I want to laugh.
Can't move,
Can't chant.
No mouth to chant with.
Bodhisattva Vows
Are right here -
In Zazen
Never more eloquent.

How does this body move?
It's too big
All of a piece.
Complete.

I might have to ask someone to help me up
I've forgotten for a little while.
must be breathing wrong.

Is it really this simple?

Nothing to hold back
Nothing special.
Nothing to hide from another's gaze.
Seeing in a face,
Hearing in a voice -
No barrier from the start.

Still -
This cold wind,
Nothing to obstruct it.
Goes right through,
Bending the pines
Beneath blue stars.